talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
soo... how was my night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
