my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
