I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
