Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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