Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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