Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
