I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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