I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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