Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
