FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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