I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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