i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
