love makes seman taste better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
