she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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