so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
