if you like me you must not know who I am
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
