woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
