how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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