i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
