he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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