I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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