Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
