I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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