a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just gargled with NyQuil
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize