it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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