At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
