the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
