Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
