Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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