she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
