You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
