Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can I color on your dick again?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
