I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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