Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
4 words: hood of his car
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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