Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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