I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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