I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
