Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
