I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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