i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The uberlube is also flammable
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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