I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Bring me that man meat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
