Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
