All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
