It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
