On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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