cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
