please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
