the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
no, he came in my armpit
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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