Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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