Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
