I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
