I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
there is glitter all over my balls
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