i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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