Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
