Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
