Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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