You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
