I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
