We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
