i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I looked at my own cervix.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
