I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
